Don't forget to visit Kaylia's Official Website where you can get information about Kaylia's upcoming events, and learn more about her publications.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Then and Now

I used to write about colors
Especially Red
And I would add photos
To get your attention, make you pause,
Enjoy the ride.

I used to write about blogs
And leave comments
Peruse and beg to be perused
Tempt you over to my own space on the web
Entertain the masses

I used to write about adventures
In dating
Or the crazy thing that happened on a city bus
That funny thing that happened at lunch
Getting lost (a lot)

I used to write about random stuff
Just to have written something
To keep the numbers up
A testament to a boring job
And a lot of free time.

But now…
Now I write a minimum of 9 articles a month for other blogs and publications
I work 40 hours a week.
I sit on a Board and serve as Secretary
I sit on a Committee and serve as Go To Gal
I am helping to edit and birth an anthology which will hopefully go to the printer soon
I run a book club
A knitting / crochet / art club
And a Skeptics club
I volunteer at least 2 days a month at the community center
I hand write envelopes for the Rainbow Delegation
On Tuesday nights we game with friends far away
On Thursday nights we game with friends even further away
Once a month we run a DnD game for friends right here.
There is also our social life, our friends, our family…
And the need for quality time, snuggles, cuddles, kisses, and a weekly coffee date

Still trying to find time to work on the novel
Time to keep up on my exercise
Time to cook and clean and maintain a household (I thanfully don’t do that alone)

And to save money, I am attempting to hand make all the Christmas gifts this year.

Which means that I am not writing on this blog as much as I would like.

But, as your reward for reading this far, I have a gift for you…

There, doesn’t that make it all better?

Happy Friday!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The Red Tent

The Red Tent by Anita Diamant

Not since The Mists of Avalon has a book taken the history of men and transformed the story into a beautiful history of women, woven like a fine tapestry with threads of loyalty, intrigue, ritual, and a mother’s love.

Many of us know the story from the Bible of Jacob and his sons. How Jacob married both Leah and the beautiful Rachel… how his son Joseph, who wore a coat of many colors, was sold into slavery by his brothers but rose from prison and ended up ruling at the right hand of the Pharaoh. Fewer might remember the story of Joseph’s sister Dinah whose honor was defiled leading her brothers to exact bloody revenge.

It is Dinah’s story, in her own words, that the Red Tent tells. Though the details of the lives of the larger than life characters are strongly fictionalized, the historical details of life in Biblical times are told with authority and accuracy, most notably the aspects of “women’s culture,” The Red Tent (the seclusion area that where women rested once a month) plays a large role in the tale as it is the place where the women come together to tell stories, share loads, and remember their own secret rituals.

Here are the often overlooked voices of the women, the bread makers and child bearers, the ones who divine dreams, stand on the bricks, and weave the cloth.

Dinah’s story, and the stories of her mothers and brothers, is haunting. It will make you think, make you ponder the rituals of the past, make you long for your own mother’s lap. Starting with the story of Jacob’s arrival and ending only after all the other players have left the stage; the book retells an old familiar tale with enough new twists to keep the reader avidly turning the pages. 

A masterpiece of historical fiction and retelling, this book shines with the echoes of the past, sparkles with passion, and dazzles with a story that is still new and exciting.

I strongly recommend this book!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Playboy Club

And now for another edition of “play by play review (opening scene). I’m your hostess, Kaylia, and the show tonight is The Playboy Club, a 60s era drama that is hoping to be the network answer to Mad Men. 

We open to an upward look at the Chicago skyline at night. We know it is Chicago because eh sultry woman’s voice is singing “Chicago, Chicago…” before we pan down to a moderately busy street and a middle aged voice over tells us that though Chicago was full of corruption and wind, (seriously), he was still able to create a place of perfection. Quick flashes of drums, champagne, full glasses and someone getting out of a cab…

The voice continues telling us about how fantasy could become reality while we get shots of 60 era pin up posters and the music ratchets up a notch. The guy from the cab turns his playboy bunny key over to a playboy bunny who greets him as Mr. Dalton and we see the Play Boy Club sign. Mr Dalton checks his coat and is informed that Carol Lynne is on stage… perfect time for the voice over to tell us it wasn’t the fifties anymore and then there is Carol Lynne singing into a mic and a spotlight, her black bunny costume tight in all the right places, her lipstick dark enough to almost be trashy.

She sings and the voice over tells us that this is a place where “… anything could happen to anybody.. or any bunny.” as we watch a blond bunny in teal watch Carol Lynne sing and sashay herself around the stage.

Blond bunny is Maureen, we discover as red haired bunny, Alice, approaches and warns against her about just standing around. Maureen is quick to blame pretty Carol Lynne for being so distracting and then wonders why she alone gets to perform. Alice tells her that Carol Lynne was the first bunny and thus gets to do whatever she wants. An African American bunny in gold (Same actress as the Playboy Bunny from Mad Men!) approaches and riffs that Carol Lynne wouldn’t want to share the stage with Maureen seeing how Maureen has great legs and has already sold half her tray and it is only ten o’clock.

Case in point, a bald man approaches and asks Maureen to dance. He gets a little handsy (hands on her ass) on the dance floor and she spins away and dances with another guy. Carol Lynne watches from the stage with a look of slight displeasure as the spotlight follows Maureen around the dance floor. Mr. Dalton has also noticed her and he asks the short man next to him if she is new. The short man is apparently Billy and the manager because he swoops in on Maureen and, calling her “Miss”, tells her to get back to work. She corrects him on her name and then rushes off to pick up her tray.

Nick Dalton takes this opportunity to introduce himself to her and buy some of her cigarettes. She is out of his brand and asks him to wait while she runs to the back. He says he doesn’t mind and looks like he is rather enjoying watching her walk away. Carol Lynne finishes her song and the crowd claps. Nick meets her as she comes off the stage. She asks him if he won the case and he assures her that the victims will each get $50,000. She is happy to hear it and wonders how she too can be a victim. He tells he she couldn’t be a victim if she tried (gag) and she tells him she could be just about anything if the price was right. She is needed back on the stage and she points him to table three but he is waiting for cigarettes.

Speaking of cigarettes, Maureen is in the storeroom and as she turns around from the cigarette cupboard she comes face to face with leering bald handsy man. Back on stage, Carol Lynne is on to a new number and Nick is watching from the bar where the bartender, Max, knows his complicated drink order by heart.

 In the storeroom, bald handsy man is telling Maureen she shouldn’t have pushed him away. She tries to leave and he stops her by pushing her up against the cupboard…. … Carol Lynne is still singing and her spotlight is red. I take a moment to guess at whether this is intentional symbolism or just a way to show that it was s different take. Nick is getting antsy waiting for his cigarettes and checks his watch.

Up against the cupboard, Maureen is getting felt up and creeped out by bald handsy man. He goes in for the kiss and she fights back ending up on the floor next to an overturned, something. Seeing the opportunity, he is quick to get on top of her and wedge himself between her legs as she struggles.

 Nick, having decided that five minutes is too long to wait for nicotine, lets himself into the Employees Only section and comes to her rescue. Or.. he tries.

Bald handsy man knocks Nick down and then comes back for Maureen grabbing at her feet. I am unsure if he plans on raping her next to Nick (who wasn’t hit all that hard) or if he is going to try to kidnap her, but Nick recovers and attacks again. In the struggle Maureen and her (magically still on) high heels strikes out and bald handsy man gets a stiletto to the neck. Then, the blood, the wet raspy sounds, and the almost instant and not that messy death.

Maureen recovers quickly and offers to go call the police but Nick stops her, “Do you have any idea who you just killed?” Instead of a bitter or sarcastic “My would-be rapist?” Maureen looks worried… and Title Card!

 Turns out the guy Maureen killed was a mob boss. Nick takes his money, she takes his Playboy key and together they dump the body in the river. As the show continues, Carol Lynne is too old to be a bunny and she goes above the head of Billy, the manager, to Hef who gives her a new job of Bunny Den Mother. (She is no Joan Halloway, but she is dynamic on the screen.)

The episode, in true pilot style, does a fair bit of exposition and character introduction while setting up at least three story arcs. Here are some good and some bad points from the pilot.

Bunny suits need a partner to unzip
Bunny territories shouldn’t be crossed! Rawr!
Secret bunny lesbian who is there for the money.
Nick Dalton does a decent Don Drapper impersonation… seriously there are a few times when he has the voice down pat!
Brenda (the Africal America, or Chocolate Bunny) is awesome. “Is it true what they say.. that he has a really big….. ? Oh honey, you got a dirty mind, I was going to say penis.”
The term “Chasing Bunny tail… hee!”
The Tina Turner and Ike stand ins are a lot of fun to watch.
Not just lesbians, but hot hunky gay men too!

 And the Bad: 
 Rampant sexism… it can’t be authentic period piece unless they play up that angle, right?
The whole “We have to pretend to lust each other… let’s kiss.. for, umm, the sake of others.. yeah, for their sake we better make out.”
The voice over of Hugh. Who is he talking to? Why? We are a relatively adult and well read audience, we don’t need things spoon fed to us.
Almost too many stories and side stories. I worry that the show won’t be able to do them all justice while still keeping us entertained.
 The whole tag line (from the voice over Hef) that in the Playboy Club you can “be whoever you want to be” rings decidedly false since the bunnies can’t be anything really other than waitresses and the men can’t really be their lovers.

 In short, there is potential. I plan on watching a few more episodes to see where it is going… and will try to leave all Mad Men comparisons behind me while I do it. And… here is a trailer that pretty much shows you the entire first episode….


Up All Night and The New Girl

Fall is officially here… at least according to the TV Guide, and with it, some new TV shows. Let’s take a look at two sitcoms, Up All Night and The New Girl.

 First, The New Girl, a sitcom about finding love and family in the place you might east expect to find it. The premise, a quirky girl (Zoey Deschenal from 500 days of Summer) who moves in with three guys she found on craig’s list. Predictable crazy hyjinks ensue. The show is a decently written sitcom and if you are a fan of that genre or a fan of sexy girls playing dorky girls, this show might tickle your funny bone. Though predictable as taxes and breaking no new ground, the show is harmless and offers a few laughs. One hopes that the shtick of the pretty girl who is too dorky for her own social good will be retired a bit and make way for more interpersonal funny situations and some slight character development.

My take: worth watching to see if they can get over the pilot hump and make a potentially very funny sitcom.


 Up All night, on the other hand, is tired before it begins and a waste of talent. The premise is two thirtysomethings who are surprised at the workload of raising a baby and… well.. that’s about it. Though it strives to tackle issues of balancing work and home life, the characters are horribly one dimensional and the “funny” moments are overdone and have been done, and done and done, before. Also, we skip the whole brand new infant phase and the baby is a few months old and yet the change of a diaper seems an insurmountable challenge. One hopes that given a few more episodes and some sort of character arc, the star power of Will Arnett and Christina Applegate won’t be a footnote in the cancelation notice. There is potential but without some drastic changes, this show will stay in the heap of “can totally skip” TV shows this fall.

My take: could be worth watching, but would take some serious changes and twists to hold anyone’s interest for long.


Thursday, September 15, 2011

Fall 2011: What’s Gay on TV?

 Labor Day has come and gone… making it officially fall to many people. With fall comes cooler weather (right???), football games, the turning of the leaves… and TV shows! Whether back from summer hiatus or brand new, let’s take a look at a few of the shows in this fall’s Fall Line Up… through the lens of how LGBT friendly they might be.

 First up, Dancing With The Stars comes back with a bang and makes history with the inclusion of Chaz Bono . I doubt he needs an introduction on this site, but here goes: Chaz, formerly Chastity Bono, is the sole child of Sonny and Cher. His female to male transition has been public for the past three years and has been supremely instrumental in bringing the idea of transition into the day to day lives of a lot of Americans who had never heard the term before. He is, I think, one of the most famous transgendered men in pop culture and is an activist and a lecturer. Transgendered groups, as well as Cher herself, are loudly supportive of this casting choice, and while there has been a flurry of “The sky is falling” rhetoric from the Christian right, one can only hope that the more often the general public is reminded that trans people are not just present in our society but also dramatically active and useful members to boot, the better. DWTS premiers on September 18th.

 Next up we have The Playboy Club which many are calling NBC’s answer to AMC’s Mad Men. Also set in 1961 (but in Chicago) this period piece will showcase the changing American world through the lens of, you guessed it, a Playboy Club. The tag line for the show is “Where the men hold the keys but the women hold the power” and for us skeptical women out there, the show promises to dwell on the positive aspects of being a bunny. Like the money. And to bring it back to our LGBT theme, there is a lesbian bunny. Alice a closeted lesbian bunny who is married to a gay man. Together, they pool money for theMattachine Society Chicago chapter, which was a huge LGBT rights group in the 1960s. Although this storyline was only a small part of the pilot, the producers say it will definitely be a big part of the show.

Glee returns on Tuesday the 20th . With new cast members and the eventual story arcs involving the winners of the Glee Project ( including Alex who performed in drag a good part of the time) we have high hopes for the third season of this very LGBT friendly show.

 Attempting to market to those a bit too old for Glee but who still love musical theater, NBC offers Smash which promises to deal with LGBT related themes as well as appeal to a broad LGBT audience. Only time will tell if they can hit the high notes on this. (Smash is a midseason show and won’t premier until 2012.)

 On The Good Wife, Owen will finally get a long term love interest moving this gay side character into the gay limelight. Producers want to be realistic… gay brothers aren’t always single, apparently. Also a reoccurring guest spot will go to out actor Harvey Fierstein The Good Wife already gets a nod of appreciation for a series regular bisexual character, Kalinda. (Archie Panjabi won an Emmy for her portrayal.) The next season begins on September 25th.

 On FX, Archer, home to two regular gay and bisexual characters, will premier its 3rd season In late September but keep the rest of the season for 2012. If you need to catch up on this animated twisted espionage show that is really like no other, the episodes are available on hulu.com 

Gossip Girl returns on the CW on September 26th. This fan favorite broke ground with its gay character and GLADD has repeatedly showered praise on the CW for its portrayal of its queer characters.

 And lastly a random tid bit of information from GLADD and The Advocate : ABC Family: The only cable network to receive an "excellent" rating [from the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation's annual report on the media's portrayal of LGBT people]. ABC Family was initially founded in 1977 as an extension of Pat Robertson's Christian Broadcast Network. Nowadays the channel is nothing like Robertson's network, with a history of gay-inclusive shows like Kyle XY and Greek, which have attracted a young, loyal viewership. Fifty-five percent of the network's prime-time programming was LGBT-inclusive, thanks to shows like The Secret Life of the American Teenager, Huge, and Make It or Break It

 ABC Fall Preview:

 CW Fall Preview:

 NBC Fall Preview:

 FOX Fall Preview

 I know this list isn’t complete, but I hope it helps you figure out what to watch while procrastinating whether it be your homework or your laundry. Happy viewing!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Hunger Games

You know how it is when everyone and their brother tells you to read/watch/eat/try/visit something and the more you hear about it the less you want to read/watch/eat/try/visit or even aknowledge the existence of whatever?

Maybe that’s just me being all contrarian, but anyway.

I kept hearing about this book and thinking “I don’t really like Young adult… maybe I’ll get around to reading it…” then I heard there was going to be a movie and I thought, “Stupid Hollywood having to remake something yet again as a sign of their shrinking originality…”

Okay, so I am more than a contrarian, I’m a snob and an iconoclast.

But I can also admit when I was wrong.

I was wrong.

I was wrong to wait to read this book because… because despite it belonging to the genre of “Young adult” it was a terrifically written book that dealt with adult themes in a compelling manner.

Set in a world not too unlike our own but far far in the future where the rules of society have changed dramatically, author Suzanne Collins creates for us a story that is intriguing, dynamic, and hard to put down.

A lottery type event leads to our main character having to battle it out Survivor style against other combatants in a last man (child) standing sort of competition that wis uses by the powers that be as entertainment… a sort of reality TV concept from hell where no one has a choice and the ratings mean life or death.

What could have been overly heavy handed with social commentary or boringly simplistic in a whittiling down of opponents is instead a riveting portrayal of character development. Collins does a marvelous job of creating her new world with enough detail to keep the eader engaged without going overboard with exposition.

The main character Katniss is one of those rare protagonists that carry the story without showing signs of the load. The twists and turns are almost all unexpected and even the slightly annoying teen angst is well played.  

(I abhor teen angst but thankfully this book managed to not over do it… the narration and excitement of the more broad storylines more than made up for it.)

All in all, well worth a read, and for those of you who have limited time, a quick read at that.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Dreamers of the Day

Dreamers of the Day by Mary Doria Russell

I read, loved, and was forever changed by Mary Doria Russell’s The Sparrow.(Review Here) How could I resist reading another title from her? I am so glad I did.

This book was so enjoyable that I felt almost afraid to keep reading it. I was sure something awful would happen to the character I had grown to love. (No worries, the book has a wonderfully simplistic and very fulfilling happy ending.)

Set in the early 20s for the majority of the tale, the book follows the adventures of Angus and her dog Rosie as they unknowingly take part in the Cairo Convention and interact with such historical ficures as Lawrence of Arabia and Winston Churchill. Like The sparrow, a lot of the action of the novel takes place through dialogue, political and historical dialogue that manages to be both totally believable and insanely educational all while keeping your interest and furthering the character development and storyline.

In a word, the book was amazing.

I highly recommend it for its prose, its scope, and ultimately for the story… an oft forgotten real life drama of political map making and county borders drawing that all but created the Middle East as we know it. As that part of the world continues to be a focus of unrest and turmoil, a book like this that explains some of the issues from the point of view of inception, is a must read for anyone who wishes to have an understanding of the milieu of crossed loyalties and tribal dramas… while telling a late in life coming of age story involving a protagonist you can’t help but root for.

While the post dead aspect of the story is a bit sentimental and a wee bit silly, the ideas and impact of the rest of the book more than make up for it.

I highly recommend this title for those of you who like history, strong female characters, adventure, travel, and most importantly, well written prose!

Thursday, July 21, 2011



This show is new to American audiences, but a fan favorite in the UK. This gritty and dark take on the superhero genre is well worth watching. An ensemble cast tells the story of five juvenile (early 20s) London delinquents who get zapped by mysterious lightning and develop powers. Although there are times when the accents (British etc) are a bit hard to understand, the cast is well formed and the storylines are surprisingly profound and compelling. I especially like that the rag tag group is not a family, a group of friends, or a team really... in fact, they don't particularly like one another.

Because of its across the pond roots, the show is full of violence, sex, nudity, and language. Thankfully, so far at least, it has managed to keep itself out of the realm of camp and corny and in the realm of interesting and slightly provocative. Also, a nice change of pace… we have teens/early 20s characters without any of the overly dramatic sappy teen/eary 20s angst. These characters are well rounded and fascinating.

It isn't totally devoid of camp...

The writers use the sci fi aspects to enhance the story arcs instead of relying on them to provide the story arcs which is understandably refreshing. Mixing dark comedy and believable dialogue with super powers that are not as super as one would hope and real life struggles of selfhood coming of age drama, this show is clearly something worth watching.

The entire first series (a 6 episode arc) is available on Hulu.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Writer’s Workshop!

Saturday June 18th, Noon – 3pm.
Fresno LGBT Community Center 1055 N. Van Ness Ave Suite C Fresno CA

Come join community members to get help or guidance in crafting your submission for the USP’s LGBT+ Anthology!

USP is currently accepting submissions of personal stories of the LGBT experience (either directly or peripherally) for an anthology that will be published later this year. The anthology will be available in local public and school libraries as well as the LGBT Community Center here in Fresno.

At the Writer’s Workshop you can

*Use the Center’s computer to submit your story.
*Get hands on writing advice from experienced writers (Help with anything from grammar to creative diction, to narrative flow!)
*Discuss and workshop ideas.
*Get typing assistance if needed.
*Have a safe place to talk about coming out issues, bullying issues, or anything else that relates to your experience as a member of the LGBT+ community.

To find out more about the Anthology (submission guidelines etc) please visit THIS LINK

-- The workshop will feature David (current leader of the Clovis Writer’s Group), Jessica (current Creative Writing grad student at Fresno State), Kaylia (BA in Creative Writing, writer for gayfresno.com), and Chris (long time writer for gayfresno.com).

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The Alchemist

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

This book surprised me. Partly because I didn’t know much about it prior to reading, and partly because for some reason I thought it was going to be an action adventurer book that had later been made into a rather dreary movie. Go figure.

However, if I had bothered to read the back or the dust jacket prior to reading it, chances are I still would have been a bit surprised. (In other words, the description is so vague and standard that it really didn’t really prepare me for the tone or the story.)

Basically, The Alchemist is a fairy tale, albeit a rather long one. There is a quest, there are forces of good and forces of evil, there are morality lessons, the reading of omens, and the predictable happy ending. All of that, I enjoyed. In fact, though it isn’t my normal sort of reading, I enjoyed it quite a bit.

Unfortunately, as is the case in many fairy tales, the magic sometimes seemed more like plot spackle than plot development. There are also subtle things that I think are lost in translation. I can almost feel how beautiful the passages would have been, how poetic, but in English, the flow is a bit lost and there are times when the phrasing seemed clunky.

Despite that, I found it a very, very quick and easy read. Though the story is simple, it is still engaging, and even if I have nothing in common with the main character (a shepherd boy who decides to sell his flock and embark on an adventure for a treasure he has dreamt about in a far off land), I still found meaning and hope in his quest.

Like any morality tale the teaching moments are sometimes overly redundant and the personification of one’s heart, the wind, the sun, etc can get a bit awkward and tiresome. Ultimately though, it is a fable that I will remember and pass on to others.

It was, indeed, worth reading.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


“College is over, but the party isn’t!”

Well, with a tag line like that, there’s no where to go but…. Up…. Right?

It’s been a bit since I last wrote a TV show review, (Click here to read them.), a fact not lost on a few of my loyal readers. Thanks for coming by to read the fiction reviews while you wait.

Of the four shows I have been asked to write about, this was the one that happened to be on the home page of hulu when I finished watching something else, so here you go.

This latest offering from Comedy Central is supposed to fill the need of all those former frat and party boys who are now all amazingly employed (despite the economy) but still maintain that nothing, not even their jobs, will keep them from having a good time. I have a feeling, based on the promos only, that the target audience is male, not actually working, and around the age of 12. The show is to revolve around the antics of three nobodys pretending to be actors. You think I’m joking right… seriously… of the three “leads” in the show, the one time appearance on Traffic Light and two appearances on Samantha Who are practically the only things listed as far as past experience. Wow.

But let’s start! (As was done in Castle, The Listener, and a few other shows…. First a play by play recap for part of the show, then general recap of whole show, and plenty of snark along the way.)

We open with a backyard barbeque pool party scene full of people who aren’t wearing sunglasses where we join in what appears to be the longest running game of beer pong ever. Frizzy Haired Man Child (wearing a sweat band for some reason) is suddenly bored of this and thus challenges the other two to a contest to see who can make a “smaller face.” (Pull your lips up toward your nose and close your eyes… Apparently this move has the power to shrink your face.) Brunette Man-Child, Adam, is deemed the winner for no discernible reason but is then told that it isn’t something he should be proud of. Not-Adam Man Child (in a hat) changes the subject to ask his bros if they know what “sexting” is and while middle America remembers that we have already been warned about the dangers of sexting and the sexting epidemic that is ruining our children’s futures, Adam and Frizzy Haired Man Child nod sagely. They do indeed know all about sexting.

(Microsoft Word on the other hand would like to correct “sexting” to “sexing” and I am tempted to let it.)

Funny Hat Man Child tells his now captive audience that he is “pretty sure” that he just got “way into it” because some girl that he doesn’t remember meeting last night, his memory is impaired because he was so very drunk, has been sexting him all morning. We then get the play by play of their text conversation (never as funny as it seems it will be) which is mostly “where did you go?” “you should come over” “maybe I will but in the meantime…” And then a close up photo of her nipple.

Yep. A nipple. On a smart phone. On my computer. Frozen in place. Somewhere Janet Jackson is saying “Losers, that whole nipple thing is sooooo 2004.” Actually, we all probably thought that. (And yeah, it was 2004… I just checked.)*

Back to the sext of the nipple. (Wow, Comedy Central gets away with everything!) It is an extreme close up of the areola. Not nearly as sexy as titillating. (Yep, I went there.)

The guys ooohhhh and ahhhhh. They say the word “nipple” about a dozen times and congratulate Funny Hat Man Child for getting such a good shot (forgetting that he wasn’t the one who took it). Funny Hat Man Child calls it the “nipple of my dreams” and Frizzy Haired Man Child says that he should get her over to the party by sending her a “pic of your dick.” When Funny Hat Man Child hesitates, Frizzy Haired Man Child assures him that things are in the proper order. “Nipple, Dick, Pussy, Butthole.” (They bleeped “pussy”.)

Funny Hat Man Child (FHMC) wants to know who’s butthole but they guys ignore him and send him off to get it done. Adam tells him to lose the hat. In the bathroom, FHMC talks to his dick while snapping the photo, “Are we gonna have sex?” and then rushes to rejoin his friends. He tells them that he has officially started the countdown to vagina time and also has just washed his butthole… just in case. They congratulate him.

And then Adam proves that he is a sneaky little Man Child as he has the phone that gets the Dick Pic Text… seems he had borrowed the phone from someone named Vanessa, and before stupefied FHMC can do anything, and much to the glee of Frizzy Haired Man Child, Adam forwards the text to all of Vanessa’s contacts. Lucky them. I’m sure that Vanessa’s dad and great aunt Mavis needed to get a text from her featuring some random guy’s dick. Vanessa herself appears and takes back her phone and then everyone at the party all simultaneously get The Text Felt Round The Party. Cue lots of laughing party goers. Adam: “Seems the nipple of your dreams is actually my nipple of your nightmares.” And then pulls open his shirt to show off the little bit of shaved chest that has inspired so much fun. FHMC loudly protests that the Dick Pic isn’t accurate, that there was a funny shadow in the bathroom….

… And Roll Credits!

Ok so the show is about what you expect from the premise. In fact, it only gets worse. There are more bleeped words, more toilet humor, a lot of stoner pot jokes, more inane antics… Not really sure why they named it Workaholics. Trying to be ironic. Fail.

Basically the guys are shocked to find out that after a full weekend of partying and rampant drug use, there is to be drug tests at work.

How to get out of a drug test… more drugs? Start a fire? No… No Longer Wearing The Funny Hat Man Child has been storing safe pee in his mini fridge and will give it if the other two if they eat… ceiling tiles. Which, they tell us, tastes like a “mummy’s dick.” (I don’t want to know how they know that.)

But then testosterone gets high and the pee gets splashed all over Man Child’s face.

They take a break to visit with a drug dealer friend and watch consider ODing on over the counter drugs. But no… inspiration strikes and they attempt to bribe a kid to provide clean pee… with porn (no) with music (no) with ninja stars and firecrackers… Yes! But even that plan goes awry and despite Adam carrying pee in his outstretched palm, they must accept that they can’t trick their way out of the test.

And then inspired by the Die Hard movie they watched on their lunch break, Frizzy uses the air ducts to sneak into the pee closet and mess with the samples. We get an excellent shot of him peeing all over the place (yes, we see the stream). Since he contaminated all the samples, the boys are safe to annoy the world another day.

Some of the low(er) points:

Poop in a dollar as a gag…. Adam is proud that he was able to wrap a piece of his own poop up and leave it out for an unsuspecting passer by to pick up.

Bad bad bad beat boxing slash hip hop music as the send off sounds before commercials.

“It’s gay time in the bathroom, if you go in there, you’ll be gay.”

All the pee things.

Basically… the whole show.

But if this sounds like your cup of pee, I mean tea, check it out on hulu. The next episode promises hilarity whith “The guys will stop at nothing to get tickets to a sold-out basketball game, even if it means being dunked in a horchata tank and seeing a grown man's penis.” Because… seeing a grown man’s penis is such a trial? Could this show get more insipid? More homophobic? More lowest common denominator stupid low brow potty mouthed?

I, for one, won’t be bothering to watch more in order to find out.

*Let me just break here to say that having a frozen screen shot of a nipple on my screen while I look up the actual date of Nipplegate was in fact the perfect thing to have on my screen when my boyfriend wandered into the room. He didn’t bat an eye, but then he had been sorting bone in the other room. We aren’t like other people.

Monday, April 11, 2011

The Curious Case of the Dog in the Night Time.

The Curious Case of the Dog in the Night Time.

I had been meaning to read this book for several months but other things kept getting moved above it on the great and mighty LIST. I am so glad I finally sat down and read it.

The book is a delightful read. Told from the point of view of an autistic teenager and dealing with some very dark life experiences (the murder of a neighborhood dog for instance) the novel still manages to keep itself relatively light. It never gets preachy or over simplistic, and perhaps most importantly the “shtick” of being from the point of view of an autistic boy never becomes the focus. Instead we get a compelling coming of age story that is heart breaking in its simplicity. Most of us haven’t had to deal with the murder of a pet, but many readers will be able to sympathize as the parental units betray our protagonist, as the world is unfeeling and sometimes cruel, as the struggle for a happy ending seems eternally just out of reach.

I highly recommend this book. It was well worth the time.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Bel Canto

Bel Canto

This book was unbelievably good. I mean it. I was totally taken aback by how much I enjoyed it. I read and reviewed Patron Saint of Liars also written by Ann Patchett and was prepared for this title to be on par, but it wasn’t. What it was, was a book that exceeded my expectations and was well worth the hyperbolic hype that decorated the binding.

Set in a small country in South America, the story follows the fate of several il-fatted birthday party attendees. There is of course, the birthday boy, a high powered Japanese business man who is accompanied by his translator. There are also the honored guests (who had never met the birthday boy but were invited for their titles, their money, or their ability to perhaps help this impoverished nation… the party givers –politicians of the small unnamed county were on the whole an optimistic bunch). Finally there was the world renowned opera singer who honestly was simply there in order to be paid and who unknowingly was the sole reason the birthday boy bothered to attend at all.

But wait! There are also terrorists! A whole group of rag-tag practically barefoot patriots who storm the party and attempt to take the President captive. Except that he, by a delightfully funny set of circumstances that I won’t ruin for you here, is not at the birthday party at all!

Thwarted but undaunted, the terrorists regroup and decide to take the whole party hostage.

What ensues is a four month stalemate with local authorities that sets the stage perfectly for a story about the complexities and yet pure simplicity of communication. We have people falling in love, we have people overcoming stereotypes and bigotry, we have bonds formed that put the idea of the Stockholm Syndrome to shame. We have a story about death and rebirth, a story that weaves voices from around the globe and speaks of the universality of hope. With vivid characters and the tension that all things, even dreams, must come to an end this book had me frantic to finish.

Which is where my only complaint comes. Yes, the ending is a bit expected, but that in no way detracts from the emotional upheaval it delivers. It is the epilogue that seems ill-placed. It is, in some ways, nice to see “what happened next” but in this case I think the story is stronger and holds truer to the essence of the book if the epilogue is ignored.

You will have to read it for yourself and tell me if you agree…

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Hiatus Up Date

Hello! First off I would like to thank those of ou who have been faithfully checking out this blog. Next… have no fear! My hiatus is almost done! Coming in April, bi weekly reviews! So… be sure to check back then!