Behind the Beautiful Forevers

Behind the Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death, and Hope in a Mumbai Undercity by Katherine Boo

The title warns you: this is a book that is going to deal with big seriously depressing stuff.

And WHAM, right off the bat we jump into squalor and grime and a wrongly accursed youth afraid for his life, his ability to scratch out a living, and the the health and well being of his family.

On the surface, this is the book that follows a few of the inhabitants of an Indian slum but like the slum itself, that is just the surface. Really, this is a book about people struggling in a corrupt world, people acting out their baser instincts towards each other, and people overcoming their dismal situation

Or at the very least trying to make the best of a bad, very bad situation.

Boo's treatment of the inhabitants of the slum is interesting. She neither makes them into caricatures of themselves nor paints them as totally blameless angels... she shows us complicated people who's motivations are the same as those of us not living in slums even if their actions are different. It is a fascinating and perspective changing look at a portion of society that is at best ignored and at worst used for political traction.

I strongly recommend reading this book. Feel the weight of oppression  the kindle of revolution, the despair of life's traps and the hope shared by the children that someday things will get better.

Look Me In The Eye

Look Me In The Eye by John Elder Robison

First off let me just say that I have a hard time reading memoirs because unless you are a mighty special person or something mighty special happened to you or you did something mighty special or whatnot... I don't really want to read your memoir.

Getting divorced does not count as mighty special.

Finding a husband, raising a kid, starting a home business.... these don't count. (To me).

So... does having Asperger's Syndrome count? I was on the fence because I happen to know several people with the syndrome and most of them have had to overcome obstacles, have had to figure out the world around them differently than you or I, have gone through drama and trauma and have, somehow, survived to tell about it.

So, I was a cautious reader of this book to be honest.

... and I was right to be cautious.

The book itself is well written. It is a retelling of one man's life and his personal struggle with Asperger's. If you recognize his name it is because he is the brother of Augusten Burroughs the author of Running With Scissors.... so yeah John Elder Robison came from that same, now famously dysfunctional, family.

That right there was the crux of my problem... for while this book doesn't implicitly say "all Aspi kids are like this" it strongly implies that "all Aspi kids are like this" when the truth is that not all Aspi kids are like anything; the variety of ways that Asperger's manifests is one of the reasons it can be so hard to diagnose.

If you take the Asperger's part out of it, you have the life story of a man who lived an interesting life... but by no means an incredibly mighty specail life... and if you add in the Asperger's stuff you have what ammounts to one man's life with a disease that is vastly differnt depending on who has it, how early it was caught, the support system in place, and countless other factors.

Honestly, I don't know what sort of rubric to judge this book against.

It was a quick read. The flow worked for the most part. The anecdotes were clearly written and entertaining.

But.

But I had a hard time connecting to John. I had a hard time caring about John. I actually had a hard time finishing because while his personal story was interesting, it seemed like the sort of thing that would have been more interesting if I had actually known him... giving up part of my life to read about his just felt awkward and ultimately unsatisfying.

Writing this review a few weeks after I finished the book I suddenly started to wonder if I had actually finished it... I went back and checked. Yes. Yes, I had finished it... the ending, like the rest of it, just hadn't left that big of an impression on me.

I didn't learn anything, I didn't really feel anything except occasionally pity, ocassionaly confusion, and yes at one point a touch of disgust.

I sort of wish I hadn't bothered.

And to be fair .. again... I am one person who a)hates memoirs to begin with and b)already knows a fair bit about the thing that should draw the reader in and keep them interested. So, perhaps I should have known better than to have read / reviewed this book.

However, if you like memoirs, don't know much about Asperger's or want to know about this particular man's reality... then by all means, read it! I hope you enjoy it more than I did.

Between Me and the River

Book Review for Between Me and The River by Carrie Host.


This book was a haunting portrayal of a woman battling a rare and fatal form of cancer.

Sounds uplifting right? Well, no. It is about a woman with cancer, but it wasn’t depressing oddly. It wasn’t a litany of regrets or a weep-fest. It wasn’t full of anger. It wasn’t full of God.

It was full of honesty and poetry.

Carrie Host is truly a gifted writer. Her tone is simplistic and profound. Her words are beautiful and poignant. There are times that she gets a bit verbose, but she does have cancer after all.

What really touched me about Carrie’s story was the sheer poetry of her language. Her metaphors are well constructed. Her imagery is woven with the perfect blend of truth and sadness.

It is beautifully done.

What could have been simply a long run on of “woe is me” became a touching love letter from Carrie to her children, one of whom was an infant when she was diagnosed.

But it wasn’t just her remarkable ability to transcend her expierence into beautiful words and phrases. Carrie Host also told of her pain and suffering with an honesty and an attention to detail that makes the reader feel a part of her personal struggle.

Again, it was beautiful.

The book made me value my health, want to reach out to my mother, and learn more about carcinoid cancer.

Carrie Host is still alive, still writing, and her story is one that will touch and stay with you forever.

I highly recommend it.

Visions of America

Book Review for Visions of America






The idea of this mammoth coffee table book was to showcase the idea of Democracy through pictures.

The thing is… Democracy is an idea, it is hard to put an image along with it that isn’t something Congress, White House, Roman Senators, or Simple Waving Flag.

Joseph Sohm doesn’t go that route though…. Instead he shows the reader Democracy by tying the idea of Democracy to the idea of America… something much easier to photograph..



American people: at play, at work, in politics, in sports… American places: rural landscapes and city sky lines. This book is a gorgeous array of several of the puzzle pieces that make up the mosaic of American life. The shots are well composed, perfectly places on the pages, bright, colorful, resonating with patriotism and power.



And they are beautiful.

I like the state by state (even if I wish there had been more of it) I loved the large beautiful shots (even if a few were slightly cliché… clichés are there for a reason, because they work.) This book never failed to illicit murmurs of admiration from the people who flipped through it.



And almost everyone who has entered my apartment over the last few weeks has flipped through it, which is no small task… the book is huge and heavy. But it was worth it. As people flipped, they paused at the photographs, they nodded to themselves, they told stories of their own lives that they were suddenly reminded of because of the photographs.

No one read the text, which is a shame because it is here that Sohm really shines. But, of course, that isn’t the point of a coffee table book. The point is of visuals that impact and stay with you.

This book then, is a success.




Post script: I don’t normally put my own politics into my reviews… and today will be nom exception. However, I would like to point out that our country is currently divided over some pretty big issues and it is nice to see something positive. I think we could all benefit from taking a moment and dwelling on the good parts of our country no matter our differing opinions. I encourage you to visit the Sohm’s website and to enjoy the video below.

Screw Cupid

Book Review for Screw Cupid: The Sassy Girl’s Guide to Picking Up Hot Guys written by Samantha Scolfield





Where to start? Maybe with the word “Sassy” which seems out of place, maybe with “Picking Up” which is 1999-speak for today’s “Hook Up”, and maybe with “Hot Guys” which actually sets the tone a bit for the book… in that it plays upon shallow stereotypes, oversimplification, and an almost detrimental view of gender role relations.

We could also start with the fact that the book is bright pink.

Here’s the thing… the idea behind the book is worthwhile…. It is the methods that are nauseating. So, for real, let’s start with what actually works.

Samantha Scolfield has written what amounts to a quick and easy guide on how to start conversations out of thin air. This is a valuable skill… the skill of small talk, of extroverted communication, of finding a way to talk to strangers in ways that will usually inspire them to talk back to you.

Her voice as a writer is delightful, funny, and honest. Her recounting of bad dates and embarrassing moments are cringe worthy and can be widely appreciated and sympathized with. She even gives a pretty decent list of places to meet people (even if she sticks to examples featuring the gym and the bar), and her party theme ideas had me taking notes.

It’s just the rest of it.

She starts off with the premise that Hot Guys (described as any guy you personally find hot) won’t ever be attracted to girls who are assertive and honest about what they want. Therefore, it is the job of the Sassy Girl to start a conversation with her intended Hot Guy… but, and here’s the kicker, not let him know she is interested.

It’s a whole new way of playing hard to get. A way, she assures us, will work because the guy will suddenly become so engrossed in making sure the girl wants him, that he will forget any idea of not wanting her.

Before we even discuss the problems of her actual advice, we must first consider the premise. Are Hot Guys turned off by women who make their intentions clear? I would wager that the percentage probably mirrors girls who are turned off by guys who are a bit too on the nose. But, let’s be clear. There is a big difference between “Nice boots, wanna F—k.” and “”Hey, my name is….” To distil all men’s attraction or non attraction to women who actually show interest is taking the cheap way out of the question.

This, sadly, isn’t the only time or place where Scolfield decides to forgo actual thought and rely on antiquated perceptions of how guys think. According to her, most guys like golf, most guys don’t want to be hit on, most guys can’t see through her “clever” ruse.

Yes, those quotes were intentional… there is nothing clever about her conversation/not flirting/secret ruse of picking up on the hot guy.

Here are a few examples of how you too could start a conversation with a guy so that he won’t know you are interested:

Ask him why guys grunt at the gym.
Ask him what’s up with guys hogging the TV remote.
Ask him if he thinks Angelina Jolie is pretty.
Ask him to interoperate “guy speak” that some other guy told a some other friend.

If Scolfield finds anything wrong with starting off the conversation by having the female throw herself into the bimbo helpless victim role, she doesn’t show it.

You know what’s coming right? I have to say it… books like this perpetuate the double standard and the objectification of women. Scolfield is telling us that is it okay for women to make the first move… just as long as no one can recognize it as a move.

And what’s worse… any guy not drunk off his ass or with two brain cells to rub together will see through this and know that she is interested, throwing the original premise out the window.

Let’s face it… girls don’t randomly start conversations with guys unless they are interested in something. It isn’t always sex… sometimes we need to know what time it is… but if you are male and in a bar and a girl starts to chat you up about practically anything (especially things like grunting and Angelina Jolie’s prettiness) she probably has a watch.

That brings us to location. Most of the scenarios that are discussed are bar/club sort of interactions. Couple that with the term “picking up” and what you get is a lesson in Quantity, not Quality. In fact, SC extols the virtues of thinking of dating as a numbers game. One of her key pieces of advice is to not talk too long to any one guy… get a date on the schedule (or his number) and then move onto the rest of the guys at the bar.

Because nothing says I’m not at all a flakey bar fly like schmoozing your way through ten different guys in one night.

I would like to point out, Samantha Scolfield lives in LA. Methinks there might be a location driven aspect to this book. Maybe these superficial techniques for winning the numbers game works in what is easily one of the shallowest cities in the world… do you honestly think it would work anywhere else?

The ironic thing is that that it doesn’t really matter what the girls say to the guys at the bars or clubs (or vice versa). With the amount of noise inherent and the over all meat market mentality prevalent in 98% of them… connections are going to be made based on mutual attraction no matter what she says to start the conversation. This is where the book could really have worked… if the idea had been “it doesn’t matter what you say, get out there and start talking” we would have a very different, and much less offensive, guide. Instead the focus is, again, on quantity and getting connections.

But what sort of connections? Again, Scolfield does a great job of listing p[possible ways to start a random conversation… and her ideas of how to mentally psych yourself up to do that if you happen to be shy are worthwhile, but her goal here is to get you as many numbers and dates as possible… which might be just what some people are looking for, but I guarantee that a lot of people out there want actual connections. Quality over Quantity.

Ironically, Scolfield says that she did “research” for this book for three years… which means that she went on a whole slew of first dates but didn’t actually manage to turn any of those into relationships… until yes, apparently she now has a boyfriend who she met using her methods.

She met him online.

Ironic? Maybe.. but also totally understandable. What this book really does is list possible conversation starters and prove that it is hard to meet people at bars.

Like most things in life, we can take what works and leave the rest. And that, is where we have to end it.






PS: I had a chance to interview Scolfield, Read it Here!

Surrender All

Book Review for Joni Lamb's Surrender All



When reading any work of non-fiction, one must first determine what the goal of the author is, To entertain? To inform? To Persuade? It is the final option that is the most difficult but it is that goal which Joni Lamb chooses for her book Surrender All.

She attempts to convince you to surrender your all to God.

In order to do this, she lays out what, I am sure she thinks, is a well planned out logical argument. This argument is indeed compelling (if ultimately severely lacking in the area of logic).

She starts off the book with the following questions; Do you believe in God? Do you believe that he has a personal stake in your life? Her argument for surrender basically assumes that you have answered YES to both of these statements… she doesn’t try to convince you that there is a God and she only briefly discounts the belief that God might just not care about you personally being more concerned with other God-like worries.

This flaw in her logic can be easily overlooked however if you are of the target demographic; someone who already believes in God. There’s more to it though… it isn’t enough to believe in God, you must surrender to God or else you run the risk of living a horribly unpleasant life despite your faith.

This is where the true essence and problem of the book lies. She spends the next hundred or so pages giving “examples” of people who either didn’t believe or (and this is key) didn’t believe in God enough to warrant the “good life.’ Many of her stories start off with the “There was this man who believed in god but he hadn’t truly surrendered and thus he was unhappy….”

It’s that same old “You might be Christian, but you aren’t a REAL Christian unless….” This is a syndrome of many churches that people find hypocritical.

And her evidence? Her “proof” that only by surrendering all will you ever find true happiness and peace with God? Nothing but a very long list of anecdotal examples which hardly can be used as any sort of reliable evidence.

She also relies heavily on “post hoc ergo propter hoc” as in “I lost my keys, I prayed, then I found my keys… therefore God is not only real but wanted me to find my keys and only gave them back to me because I prayed.”

This sort of attitude is dangerous and it wasn’t long before the examples of people being healed with prayer started to crop up. Of course, hot on their heels were examples of people who weren’t healed because they lacked the proper amount of faith.

Throw in a few tried and true guaranteed to make the liberal Christians vomit sentiments like rock music has evil subliminal messages and the Enemy causes depression, you need good loud praying to cure you and you have the rest of the book. My personal favorite is the lesson (stated over and over again) that God can heal all things if you have faith… even your abusive meth addicted husband. So stick it out, don’t even think about divorce, and just pray really really hard.

In other words, surrender to blind faith.

Obviously, I am not her target audience. I find her logic trite and untrue. I think she does an actual disservice to the religion of Christianity as a whole by touting this “not quite Christian enough” mentality. I also find her views on healing and domestic violence appalling.

Would this sort of fear mongering guilt inducing series of scary bedtime stories work on a believer? I’m not sure. Her television empire is doing quite nicely, so someone must be buying into this.

However the fact that her book has been out since last year and her PR firm contacted me to do a review of it makes me think that sales must not be as good as they would like… Seriously, seeking out a blogger such as myself (with my dozens of gay rights and sexually progressive posts) to write about your book for what could quite possibly be the opposite of your demographic, speaks of either server scraping of the bottom of the barrel or a potentially brilliant conversion method.

Joni’s voice is clear in the book, she writes in a wonderful style that is both conversational and genuine. Her message, however, needs work

Don't Call Me a Crook

book Review for Don’t Call Me a Crook.




Reading a memoir offers the unique experience of seeing someone’s life through their own eyes…. Which can be both a good and a bad thing. First off the conversational tone used in Don’t Call Me a Crook flows easily and keeps the reader engaged. On the other hand the story meanders along like a drunken fable, keeping in chronological order sure, but also recounting the matter of his life in what can only be described as a bragging tone of juvenile triumphs. With the same laid back air of one discussing the weather Bobby talks about violence, death, theft, and the engines of ships. He clearly isn’t looking for approval but an audience who would be shocked and held in awe for all his many adventures. What he doesn’t realize that while we might listen with our mouths slightly ajar, it is more with a dawning horror than a growing sense of admiration that we finish his tale.

As a reader of mostly fiction (and occasional writer of the same) I always find myself looking for the hidden meaning, the sense of symbolism and subtext that can turn the average story into something of fine literary merit. Considering the source material for this book I was surprised to find a current of human nature and human tragedy woven into Bobby’s recollections that I think totally escapes the author himself.

Bobby is a sociopath.

Of course, he doesn’t start off that way; he starts off as a frolicking fun loving chap who might lack for a clear focus or direction in life but who’s charm and is on par with an excitable puppy. His early adventures, or misadventures, involve a sort of mischief and whimsy. The things he swipes and the ways in which the swiping occur are entertaining and we neither fault Bobby nor really hold him accountable.

But something changes… Soon Bobby’s adventures take on a sinister edge, a violent streak and an acceptance of the darker parts of human nature. The scariest part is that Bobby himself is unaware of either the shift or that his current activities aren’t on the same forgivable level as his earlier mischief.

Watching the boy become the man and the man slowly turn into the monster while knowing that he is unaware of any change is a sobering experience. One reads the second half of the book wondering how far Bobby will go. The reader wonders if Bobby will see the error of his ways and if redemption lies in the epilogue.

The answer is no.

It is a big leap from petty thief to murderer but Bobby makes it without batting an eye. His lack of guilt and subsequent actions leave little room to doubt his severe disconnect from his fellow human beings.

By the end of the book I was mesmerized but not in the way I think Bobby intended. The story ends almost abruptly and one knows that Bobby went on to have more adventures. In a sick way I wanted to know what happened next while at the same time feeling relieved that I wasn’t going to be party, even by proxy, to Bobby’s crimes.

Honestly, I enjoyed reading the book even if it did wander on and on a bit toward the end where Bobby at last succumbs to the easy to fall into trap that threatens every memoir or biography; eventually the story turns into nothing but a long list of “And then I did this,” followed by “After that, I did this” with no overriding theme or sense of intended cohesion except of course that it is our narrator who is present in all the adventures.

This is a trap, as previously stated, that is not only common but easy to fall victim to and thus I am willing to make allowances for it. The book was published in 1935 by a small publisher and perhaps we might forgive Bobby for not being a literary marvel… it is enough that he is a good storyteller.

Even if the meaning of his story is beyond him.




Feel free to read the book for yourself and let me know what you think!

The Great Eight

Book Review of The Great Eight

Reading this book was a departure for me. First of all I tend to read fiction and when I do read nonfiction, I am usually reading something historical or scientific (Hawking, Dawkins, etc) or even something political (“The Mommy Myth” or “Audios Barbie”).I tend to stay away from self help books, inspirational books, or memoirs by people I don’t have a desire to emulate.

This book was not my cup of normal tea but since the publisher was nice enough to send me a free copy with the understanding that I would write a review, I sat down one sunny afternoon with the expectation that I would read it, learn something useful, and pass on said wisdom to you.

Or not.

It was actually hard to finish this book. Not because the subject matter was deep or thick or difficult to grasp. Not because the writing style was high brow with big words and even bigger concepts.

But because… after reading the first ten pages or so I started to feel the stabs of an early migraine setting in.

In other words, I severely disliked reading this book and had I not told the nice publisher people that I would read it and write about it there is no doubt in my mind that I would have quit very early on and never ever ever finished it.

And I was all ready to lambaste this book, to mock it, to rip it apart, to go point by point and tell you all exactly how and why it was a colossal waste of my time.

But then I realized something…. This book isn’t my sort of book, but it might be just what the doctor ordered for other people. With that in mind, I have prepared the following list.

Reasons you should read “The Great Eight” by Scott Hamilton.

1. You love Scott Hamilton and reading his earlier memoir was not enough.
2. You enjoy relearning concepts about happiness from a book instead of where said concepts are normally found: greeting cards.
3. You have a deep appreciation for exclamation points!
4. You have the attention span of a gnat.

Was it really that bad? Yes, yes it was.

In the book figure skater (and Olympian Gold Medal winner -1984 on a well documented and admitted technicality) Scott Hamilton gives you advice on how to find happiness. See, he is an expert having survived a childhood (never diagnosed) illness, testicular cancer, and a brain tumor. He is happy see, he is married with kids living away from the rat race, performing, living his dream…. And You Could Be Happy Too!

I am not sure what bothers me more about this book, the fact that the entire thing is written in a style better suited for “Discover A Better You” pamphlets one might find behind the couch at a doctor’s office or the fact that Mr. Hamilton honestly seems to think that advice like “Keep Trying!” “Trust God!” “Failure happens, but you can get over it!” are not only worth of a 183 page book but are somehow new and exciting!

I should have counted the number of exclamation points… thre is some serious overkill going on!

In fact, it was difficult to not read the book without hearing the narration done in a hyper squirrel voice. Here is an example passage from the potion of the book where we are encouraged to find the positives in every situation:

“Take, for example, being short. I don’t need to list the infinite number of negatives about being far shorter than the average man. But on the positive side of things, I can tell you that at five-foot-four. I don’t take up as much space. I fit in airplane seats more comfortably. My clothes don’t require as much material thus helping save the planet (and I am a better environmentalist since I don’t use as much water in the shower!)”

Other words of wisdom include life altering assertions like “You’ve got to find the light spot, even in the darkness. If you don’t, you can’t be happy.”

Not that I necessarily think he is wrong… I am just not sure there is anyone out there who wouldn’t already know this. (And if there are people out there who think that happiness can be found by dwelling on nothing but the dark/bad stuff… well are they going to buy a copy of this book? I would wager not.)

He continues to talk about light and dark and brings God in as well: “There is so much darkness in the word and it has the potential to suck us in like a black hole… God created the sun for many reasons, one of which is to give us light. You notice that we sleep when it’s dark? I like to think this is God’s way of saying ‘Hey guys. Don’t pay too much attention to the darkness.”

At this point I almost threw the book across the room.

Now, please don’t get me wrong. I think happiness is a good thing and I think that being reminded that being happy or finding happiness isn’t an overnight thing and that tools like a good sense of humor and humility can help you achieve it. I don’t even have a problem with people finding happiness with God or Shinto or Zeus or whoever…. But again I have to wonder who was the target audience for this book. People who already buy into this woo-ish sort of touchy feely stuff probably don’t need to read this book and those of us with a more practical way of seeing the universe will be alternately bored and nauseated by Mr. Hamilton’s ramblings.

It doesn’t help that it is written at a 5th grade reading level, the font is huge and on almost every page big blocks of test are blown up and indented so as to a)make the book even longer! and b) draw special emphasis to things like “Learning not to fight the inevitable changes life brings is a key component to being happy."

I am not sure when I felt such a sense of relief upon completing a book. In fact, I guess I could say that the only real happiness I got from the entire ordeal was that eventually I finished it (gritting my teeth and reminding myself of the nice publishers every step of the way.)



If you are interested in reading this book for yourself and agreeing or disagreeing with my review, feel free to use this link to buy it on Amazon!